RIFLE, Colo. — The Great American Eclipse has come and gone, but for at least one man, it will linger for a lot longer.

TANNERSVILLE, Pa. Two women dressed as nuns and carrying handguns tried to rob a bank in the Poconos on Monday.

RIFLE, Colo. — It’s here. The age of the robots is taking over the world and it has now come to Rifle.

NEW CASTLE, Colo. — With all the impending talk of robots taking over human jobs, the town of New Castle has decided to take matters into its own hands.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is facing impeachment after receiving a ticket from the Secret Service for committing a T.W.D., which stands for Tweeting While Driving.

RIFLE, Colo. — A certain bathing suit style is flying off the shelves of local retailers and we’re not talking about thong bikinis here, folks.

LAS VEGAS, Nev. — It wasn’t money these thieves were after.

GARFIELD COUNTY, Colo. — Women are not the only ones being told to “close their legs,” now that RFTA has implemented a new rule on its busses, which carry passengers throughout the Roaring Fork Valley.

What does an aging musician do when they can’t handle life on the road anymore and their concerts don’t sell out like they used to? They open a retirement community, of course!

SILT, Colo. — No more nude rock climbing statues for this town.

NEW CASTLE, Colo. — It’s part of a McDonald’s employees job to ask you “Would you like fries with that?” when you place your order at the drive-thru.

RIFLE, Colo. — In order to ensure that what recently happened on a United Airlines flight in which a man was brutally dragged from an overbooked United flight in order to make room for the captain’s pet Chihuahua, the Garfield County Regional Airport in Rifle has come up with another solution.

Denver, Colo. — At first it seemed to be too good to be true.

New Castle, Colo. — Polly and Norman Frankenheimer walked down to the dock, Polly hanging on Frank’s arm and wriggling with excitement.

RIFLE, Colo. — It could have been the beer or the hot sun, but numerous people reported seeing the Loch Ness Monster at Rifle Gap recently.