RIFLE, Colo. — What was once next door to a little pet store on Railroad Avenue has now opened as Rifle’s 57th marijuana dispensary.
The Range, a medical marijuana facility, sits where Nola’s Ark pet shop was located, but closed several years ago. The building has been a variety of businesses since then.
“It’s too bad the pet shop closed, because they could have shared the spot. it would have been a hoot to get stoned and play with all the animals,” said one former pet shop customer turned marijuana user.
But it’s strange that Rifle has so many marijuana dispensaries. It used to be a town full of cowboys, ranchers and oil and gas workers. Now, it’s estimated that 78 percent of the residents in Rifle are stoned.
“We try to pass every marijuana dispensary application that comes to the council,” Mayor McCheese confided. “It’s good for the local restaurants and, well, we’re hoping for a kickback, if you know what I mean…”
In fact, city hall is contemplating designating its own “smoking lounge,” where employees can take a break and get in a few puffs.
“I’ve heard the library is doing the same thing,” McCheese pointed out. “Their going to put in a relaxation room for reading and reefer.”
There is even rumor that the words to that unofficial anthem of the American West should be changed.
“Stoned, stoned on the range
Where the potheads and the hippies go play
Where seldom is heard, a comprehensible word
And the smoke swirls around town all day.”
