1) There must alway be bacon in the fridge. Always.
2) There does not exist a food that does not go well with bacon.
3) There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who like bacon and those who will be used as fodder in the case of a zombie apocalypse.
4) Even pigs like bacon. Fact.
5) Crispy and chewy are both acceptable ways to cook bacon. Thou shalt not discriminate.
6) 60 percent of the world’s problems can be solved by cooking more bacon.
7) Bacon presents exactly zero health risks. Shut up.
8) If your computer is antiquated and slow, you can feed it bacon through the floppy drive to make it run faster. (But please do not inform your computer technician if you have done this.)
9) Meals without bacon are rarely worth eating.
10) When given a breathalyzer, the number is called your “BAC.” This is short for “bacon” and is equal to the number of slices of bacon you should eat divided by 100.
11) Thou shalt always consume bacon on the Sabbath, the Mondath, the Tuesdath, and the…
12) Bacon gets you laid.
