The fun part about Rocky Mountain Oysters is watching people from the East Coast think that they’re really eating sea food.
This is where Coloradans order some fries and a beer off the menu and sit back to watch the look on their friends’ faces as they dig in.
Of course, at some point you need to tell your buddies that Rocky Mountain Oysters are testicles from castrated bulls, lambs, sheep or turkeys. Then you laugh really hard and try not to spit up your beer when you watch them turn green and run to the bathroom…
But if you are one of those sick individuals who actually LIKE Rocky Mountain Oysters and want to try to make them at home, here is a recipe.
Ingredients
2 pounds testicles (the animal kind, not human – although some women would disagree)
2 tablespoons salt
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
salt
pepper
garlic powder
bottled hot sauce
cooking oil for frying
(Considering these ingredients, it is best if the testicles are removed from the entity to which they were originally attached.)
Directions
Split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each “oyster” using a sharp knife. (Do not try this on your significant other as Lorena Bobbitt did in the early 90’s when she whacked off her husband’s ding-a-ling.) If the testicles are frigid, you can peel them while they are thawing. Or you could just go to the bathroom and barf at the thought.
2. Soak them in a pan of salt water and drain.
3. Put them in a pot and add enough water so that they’ll float.
Add vinegar to the pot.
Parboil, drain and rinse.
Let the balls cook and then slice the “oysters” into oval shapes.
Sprinkle salt and peppers to taste.
If you haven’t already barfed yet. go ahead and combine flour, cornmeal and garlic powder and roll each in the flour mixture.
Have two drinks out – whiskey and some milk. Roll the “oysters” in the milk while you drink the whiskey.
Dip into wine. Really. Dip the balls into the wine and dip into the wine yourself.
Roll in the flour mixture again.
Fry in hot oil seasonsed with hot sauce and fry until golden brown.
Drain the fried balls on a paper towels.
Serve with cocktail sauce.
Do not tell your husband what this is until after he has eaten them.
