RIFLE, Colo. — A local grocery market in town is expanding and will now feature a famous coffee company, a medical marijuana dispensary, full-fledged beer joint and a brothel.
“It will be a one-stop shopping store,” an employee explained. “There will be no reason to go any place else. You can eat, drink, get stoned and laid — all in one facility!”
City council members approved the amenities at a recent council meeting.
“We’re so excited to be able to offer all these services in Rifle,” said Mayor McCheese. “It will be the first of its kind in this valley.”
But not everyone was pleased.
“This is debauchery in its lowest form,” said a local non-denominational pastor. “They should be selling bibles, not expensive coffee.”
However, the Catholic pastors had no comment about the brothel aspect…
Local police were pleased as they said it would make their job much easier.
“We can arrest people all at one place and don’t have to drive around looking for violators,” one cop pointed out. “And I heard they’ll be giving us free donuts from the deli.”
