RIFLE, Colo. — A new affordable airline is opening up at the Garfield County Airport and you will soon be able to hop on a “plane” and fly non-stop to Korea.
Well, maybe.
The slogan of Rifle Scareways is “Maybe we’ll get there, maybe we won’t,” referring to the fact that the airline has had 17 crashes in the last six months.
“Oh well,” the airline’s CEO shrugged. “Shit happens.”
The prices are quite low, but that is because there are no seats inside the jet. Passengers simply sit on the floor and hold on to the bar, literally. The one flight attendant is a midget who will hand you a Bible if you request one.
Passengers who have flown the airline say it is not uncommon to hear the pilot say things like, “oh CRAP,” or “I wonder what THIS thing does?” Others say they have seen him pet his dog, Hope, who sits in the co-pilot’s chair next to him.
“She navigates for me,” said Capt. David Deathwish. “If people can bring their screaming kids on planes, why can’t I bring my dog?”
Cost of a round-trip ticket on Rifle Scareways is $10 and includes life insurance.
