RIFLE, Colo. — City council members recently passed an ordinance that makes drunk dialing or butt-dialing on your cell phone a crime within Rifle city limits.
“It’s just so annoying when someone calls you from their back pocket or their purse,” said Mayor McCheese. “It uses up time on your phone and no matter how loud you yell into the phone for the person to hang up, they never hear you.”
These incidents can be extremely boring, but on the other hand, can be very interesting if the person is, say, having a conversation with their drug dealer or their psychiatrist (or mistress) while they have unknowingly called you…
Butt-dialing, which has a much different meaning than a booty call, is just a step below “drunk dialing,” sometimes known as “drink ‘n dial” in which one tends to call an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend or even your boss, after having a few too many.
“It’s OK to get totally stoned in Rifle, but dialing drunk is prohibited,” according to the police department. “The first offense is punishable by up to $125.00 in fines, with subsequent offenses much higher, depending on the judge’s mood.”
There is even a new phone app now that allows you to measure how many drinks the person on the other end of a call has had.
“This caller has had 14 shots of tequila,” the app will inform you. “
If you are the drunk dialer, the app will give you an estimate of when you might be sober enough to make a phone call.
“Please don’t dial John right now! Wait another two days!” it will advise you.
The app can also be applied to texting, but most drunk people aren’t even capable of texting, so it’s kind of a moot point.
To get the application, simply dial “Drunk Dial – NO!”
